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Home | Rent | Quotes | Other Sht00f | Songs [Updated 06-19-07] | Wicked | Contact Me | It's back...

Humour Quotes

So, most of these I'll probably not know where on earth they came from or who first said it or whatever... but if I do, I give credit. Some of these are more inside jokes, but I find a lot of them rather amusing. Some are just random, though. Whatever... XD
 
"Would you sell your soul for a Mt. Dew?" ~ (Muted Faith)

I'll only wear black until they invent something darker
I wear blue because black isn't dark enough

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Five out of four people have a problem with fractions.

I bought my sanity for a nickel ~ (Me)

 i can't figure it out.. i don't like him, but i do.. its like i want to flick him or something ~ (Becca)

Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this cow before... >.>

Your mom IS a college! ~ (somebody at church..)

Stop doing that, you'll go blind.
 
My imaginary friends think you have mental issues

I'm not myself today.. MAYBE I'M YOU!
 
GAWWD HE LOOKS SO CONSTIPATED.. I WANT TO LIKE.. BE THERE FOR HIM OR SOMETHING ~ (Becca)

I'm okay in an "everything's crud" kind of way...

There are 10 types of people in the world.Those who understand Binary and those who don't

-holds up four fingers- There are three kinds of people in this world! Ones who can count, and ones who can't!

Hermit Crabs - not the most interseting pet in the world, but they could suprise you. For example, by breaking into song... "Shala lala la la! Whoa whoa!" Um... yeah.

Procrastination leads to inspiration ~ (Alyssa)

lesbos ...sounds like a side dish: "yes, i'll have the seafood with a side of lesbos plz" ~ (Becca)

You're just jealous the voices talk to me

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

One by one the penguins steal my sanity

I've crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many times that I've all but worn it out.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

"-shoves his spirit into a can of mountain dew.-"
"its a bit cramped in here........ "
"yes... but at least you are with mountain dew. many people would envy you."
"true...true..."
~ (Muted Faith)

Why do they call it chewing gum? What else are you gonna do with it... juggle?

*mountain blows up* Um... maybe they wont notice... >.> ~ (Ashley)

I wish I owned more stunt furniture. The real stuff is so hard to break when you're angry.

"Don't worry, I bought Meth For Dummies!"
"You can't do that! It's ILLEGAL!"
~ (Mega Tokyo)

I wonder how many people are going to call this their favourite quote

Stupid people make me wanna............ break the law. ~ (Ian)

I practically invented borderline sanity ~ (Me)

I've found that the "Ask and ye shall reveice" principle works a lot better when a handgun is involved.

Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you. ~ (Rachel)

Atificial intelligence is no match for real stupidity

"the ice cream is not important. the ghosts are not important. death is not important."
"pizza is important.."
"
no. pizza is not important. nothing is important. once you understand this, you will understand that the fact that you do not understand is not relatively important, either, except to your own mind."
"o.o;;; what about mountain dew?"
~ (Muted Faith)


Don't you use that tone of font with me!

Do you mind? I'm trying to ignore you.

Friends don't give friends fruitcakes...

wtf is an acronym??

Yar! I am a bear! ~ (Nuklear Power)

Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?! I GOTTA WARN MIKE!

I dunno about them spirits... ~ (Me and Mandie)

OUCH! Stupid wall! Who put that there?! ~ (Alyssa)

We took perscription drugs, look how much good that did. Well, I think I had a point, but I just got distracted ~ (Relient K - Maintain Consciousness)

Cows would live a lot longer if they weren't made of steaks and leather.

"65% of guys are stupid"
"I belong to the other 25%...... wait."

"Someone hands you something to copy. Seems simple enough. You click the copy button. The copy machine eats your paper, and spews weird symbols at you. You...

find a large marker and copy the weird symbols all over the stupid machine. That'll teach it."
~ (Muted Faith)

"The world panicked about y2k... then along came b2k..." ~ ('chrismansion')

the gurl outside: i always thought if jesus came back i'd wonder how he'd talk "thou shall not pisseth on the grass!
mithdraug2931: *smacks head* I dunno about you but I don't really need a constant reminder NOT to use the grass as that sort of outlet... lol
the gurl outside: oh well, im assuming he's talking to a five year old
the gurl outside: hopefully nobody over the age of 10 will need a constant reminder
the gurl outside: especially from jesus
~ (Becca and Me)

Mandie: GO TO SLEEP!
Me: -smiles in amusement- you wanna make me? lol.
Mandie: Yes, now i will chant my mantra... >.o

evanelk ~ (Becca & Me)

"how many spirits can fit in a single body?"
"um. forty-two. but that gets really cramped."
~ (Muted Faith)

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you... >.>

Some people have no imagination what-so-ever. However, some people hear voices... and others see invisible things!

"...for the next FIVE HOURS *SLAP!* for the next thirty minutes *SLAP!* FIVE MINUTES!.." ~ (Legendary Frog ORTRTA: Special Edition)

"I'm just ridin' the wave, baby!"
"Yeah.. don't say that anymore...."
~ (Legendary Frog ORTRTA: Special Edition)

">throw pocket fluff at door
You missed."
~ (HHGG Text Game)

"it's not like we're going to chain you down and stuff the Bible up your nose or anything" ~ (Mandie)

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and you taste good with ketchup!

Everybody's entitled to be stupid, you're just abusing the privilage.

I am not fluent in moron, please speak a little slower.

Your lucky number is 3829410754893. Look for it everywhere. XD

"Mandolin... is that like... a violin... that's... made out of... Manderin Oranges?????" ~ (Me, don't worry I know what it is..)

"Its joys, its sorrows. How truely novel. The emotional life of furniture. I never." ~ (Wicked [book])

carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, concentrated orange juice and other natural flavours, citric acid, sodium benzoate, caffeine, sodium citrate, gum arabic, erythorbic acid, calcium disodium edta, brominated vegitable oil, yellow 5.
~ (Mt. Dew. Duh!)

People who act like they know everything annoy those of us that do.

"...one letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1863"
~ (I read this in a chainmail. Funny.. becayse I wasn't aware the internet was available at that point.)

There is light at the end of the tunnel - especially if you're looking through a toilet roll at the sun.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

mithdraug2931: jekr
the gurl outside: retrad!

Me: "Well, it's 'cause she knows, like, the whole universe AND all of it's distant relatives!"
Rae: "Yeah, like in Canada..."

the gurl outside: i hate pink
DarK AryZ: =-O
the gurl outside: i meant the color
DarK AryZ: :-D
DarK AryZ: i hate amy
the gurl outside: =-O ??
DarK AryZ: no i meant the color
~(Becca and Aryonna)

Sarcasm is your body's natural defence against stupid.

Having an Out-Of-Body experience. Back in 10 min.

mithdraug2931: on beat 2-4 of the 6th measure.. in case you wanted to know
the gurl outside: kdfjaklfj;afjwoeiaf !!?!?! .....ok
~(Me and Becca)

mousesbigs42: lalala

Auto response from mithdraug2931 5:21 AM:
I am an alien and I have transformed myself into words and am now having sex with your eyes. I know you like it 'cause you're smiling.

mousesbigs42:
don't have sex with my eyes and no, I'm not smiling. It's too goddamn early to be smiling.
~(Mandie Vs. My Away Message)
 
"Hanna, you make bad steamy noises." ~ (Kayla)
 
"choirs what u do when you cant play anything and you like to sing but no one can stand it when you do a solo,lol" ~(Emma)
 
Mandie: Hannah says 'bye'
Becca: HANNAH'S BI??!!!?!?!!!?!?!?
 
"why would I do Homework when I can balance an empty pop bottle on my head?" ~(Me [see picture])

the gurl outside: that reminds me of rafiki from the lion king "it duzan't mattuh, it's in dee past!"
mithdraug2931: hehehe
the gurl outside: that was a brilliant rafiki accent
the gurl outside: and you know it was
the gurl outside: so stop hatin'
mithdraug2931: I'm sneezing
mithdraug2931: I must be allergic to bad impressions
~(Becca and Me)
 
 
Mandie: "NO, THAT'S O-KAY! I know everything! It's fine, that's fine! good enough for me, thank you! I know it... all about it!"
Me: "okay, so tell me what a Horcruxes is?"
Mandie: "IT'S YOUR NOSE!"
 
mithdraug2931: -sigh-
mithdraug2931: like I can memorize stuff. How'm I supposed to know 17 squared...
the gurl outside: study, maybe?
mithdraug2931: maybe
the gurl outside: instead of trying to levitate a bottle?
mithdraug2931: SHUTUP I WASN'T TRYING TO LEVITATE IT!!
~(I think you're familar with... Becca and Me)
 

"You are cordially invited to the theological place of eternal punishment.."
~(Kitty, friend of Catie. This can basically be translated into "go to Hell.")


"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." ~ (The Princess Bride)

"Birthdays are like beach towels! .....sort of." ~ (Alyssa)